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Falling by ~Lena-Hyena:iconLena-Hyena:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Other Romance > Open




Falling

Gritty street under my feet
Suddenly a dancefloor
And all the lights on me

Moving over the hot pavement
My sandals sliding, flying
My fingers entwined with yours

And glaring sun in the sky
The unstoppable beat in my head
Gum wraps stuck to my soles

The evening, the sea wind rising
Drying the sweat on our skin
We still danced on and on

Till the orange blaze of sunset
Slipped away from the rooftops
And I stood in the street alone
©2006-2009 ~Lena-Hyena
:iconlena-hyena:

Author's Comments

I don't remember how I loved you,
I just know I did.

***

For B.

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconkeneran-akeno:
~Keneran-Akeno Jul 28, 2006, 5:52:16 PM
ooooo *squeels* that's so awesome!! :glomp: I like it! neh...

--
Keneran-Akeno

I want to be a prize and I want to be won!!

haha <div style="border:1px solid #5f677c; width:210px; min-height:54px; padding:4px; font: 11px verdana;"><a href="http://www.addictinggames.com/kittencannon.html?r=user_posted_link" style=
:iconlena-hyena:
~Lena-Hyena Jul 30, 2006, 8:19:45 AM
Thanks, dear.

--
He kissed me awake, and no one was sorry
:icondurkee341:
=Durkee341 Jul 30, 2006, 9:10:10 AM
Awww. Sounds like it was alot of fun. Sad ending though.

Very well written piece. I like your style. It's very... grounded, in a good way.

--
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:iconlena-hyena:
~Lena-Hyena Jul 31, 2006, 4:36:35 AM
Thank you.

Yeah, it was a lot of fun. And yeah, it ended sadly.

--
He kissed me awake, and no one was sorry
:iconchantelrenee:
~chantelrenee Aug 17, 2006, 6:58:09 PM
I love the imagery in this poem. I like how you took something that was really happening, then eased into a memory, then at the very end, abruptly came back to reality. It was heartbreaking...

I like how your two poems are about flash-backs. I really connected with them, and the feelings they conveyed. Everyone who is no longer with someone they onced loved can relate to them. You capture brief moments in time very well, so that they really resonate with the reader. Good work. :D

--
[link]
:iconlena-hyena:
~Lena-Hyena Aug 18, 2006, 6:49:22 AM
Thank you very much.

I'm no good with big subjects. I like writing about small fragments of time, the ones you can still feel, or smell, or taste - and convey my emotins through them.

--
He kissed me awake, and no one was sorry
:iconinag:
!InaG Aug 31, 2006, 10:59:48 AM
great work! the images are cool, you really feel it when reading... :)

--
The camera makes everyone a tourist in other people's reality, and eventually in one's own. Susan Sontag

[link]
:iconlena-hyena:
~Lena-Hyena Aug 31, 2006, 11:47:27 AM
Thanks :)

--
He kissed me awake, and no one was sorry
:iconheartbrokynstock:
~HeartbrokynStock Nov 11, 2006, 3:01:06 PM
The imagery is great, and so is the concept. It seemed a bit disoriented at first, then you were just-- alone. Very capturing.

--
"Slipping away, you cease in front of the day... slowly drifting away--"

Check out my poetry/digital design site, I say! [link]
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